Although I loved my job as Stake Primary President I was drowning in overwork with that and the office work for Richard and just running a family and began to have health issues. I obviously had problems finding balance in my life and tried too hard to do everything to my best ability.
I remember going to the Doctor with stomach pains and nausea from certain foods and it was determined I had an ulcer starting and needed to change my life and my diet but he was also concerned about it possibly being lupus. I was evidently frightened for what was happening to me because I got released from the Stake Primary and then a short time later wrote this letter to my Bishop.
Dear Bishop, August 26th, 1975
Sunday I turned down a calling that you gave me and it made me feel very badly for two reasons, one because I love to teach and would have loved having that job, two because you did not know enough about us and our life to know before making that call that I couldn't possibly take on anything else at this time.
I realize that this is my fault in that we have not confided in you very much in the years we have been in this ward. Since we have both been in the stake and our problems have involved those callings, I have on occasion gone to President Naylor.
Of course, I am aware of the fact that the problems we have are not the momentous problems of which a bishop commonly hears but they have put a severe strain on us, our family and our health the last several years.
As you know in April of 1970 my husband suffered a heart attack which left him with 80% of his arteries to the heart blocked. In the angiograms that have been taken since it has not gotten worse, which is good, but it will not get better either. This has severely capacitated his energy level but not his drive which has always been high. Consequently he is still and always will be doing probably much more than he should as far as mental work is concerned. There are many situations which bring on disconfort and distress to the point where he does not feel well for several days. These are family upsets (children arguing, etc. and church meetings that seem to be getting now where except discussing many problems that he cannot solve (causes frustration). A good heart patient knows what problems upset him and avoids them. However, it is hard for a father to avoid all upsetting family situations and a good active Church member to avoid meetings that cause stress. It is necessary that I keep the house under control, my emotions under control, and still be of assistance to Richard when he needs me. When I am not feeling well, unfortunately, it reflects on the whole family and is especially harmful to Richard. I don't know if you can understand this or not.
However, during the last five years several other things have happened, too. In May of 1970 John had a bone tumor (benign) removed. Richard's widowed sister-in-law had a car accident and we had her six children for most of the summer. In October of 71 because of problems all year I had a hysterectomy. In Dec of 1972 Richard was suddenly out of work after being with a company for 15 years and was at the time the President. He was at the time considered disabled because of his heart.
He stayed home, under tremendous emotional strain, for six months. During this time he decided where he would go from here. He had a non-compete contract so he could not go back into the same business. I went back to school to develop some secretarial skills with which I could help him if he decided to go into business for himself. I am sure you cannot imagine what it is to have your life change in this way unless you have gone through it. Richard was a defeated man and there was really no one to talk to about it.
In June of that year Richard started with a small Mortgage Company--he had already taken many courses to qualify him for this kind of work in the six months he had not worked. He soon came to realize many business problems they had and how he could help but you just don't come in and take over--it takes time and work to develop relationships and policies that work. He has been very successful and the business is going well.
The mail department is in our home and for the last year has taken from 3 to 6 hours of my time every day. It is necessary for me to be involved in this area for many reasons. For most of this year we had it in a separate office in downtown La Jolla until I could not continue to be away from home so much and it appeared it would be more efficient in the home so we could use the children without transporting them and also we would have more room. His La Mesa office is full of salesmen and office workers and does not have room for all this equipment and staff, too. We still maintain a salesman in the La Jolla office also. Richard is now a full partner.
At any rate the point I would like to make is that during this time of change and upheaval in our life--upheaval that takes time to smooth and work to change--we have always kept the Church callings that we had and both have taken much time and thought in order to carry them out well. Richard has always put so much time and energy into his callings no matter how much he had to do with his regular work. At the time I was called to take over the Stake Primary Presidency I really thought for Richard's sake (he was just going into the new business) I should refuse but I felt right about accepting and I know it was right. It has done more personally for me to teach me to be independent and accept the role of leadership than any other thing in my life. This is something I may need if anything happens to Richard because of his health. I loved that calling because of the choice group of people I worked with and the joy I received in the work.
However, this last year as Richard and I have both been working in the stake and I have been working in the office as well and as I have been ill and didn't know it the strain has been especially hard on the children. I was not being efficient in any role of my life and the only choice seemed to be to give up being President of the Primary, make some changes in our office arrangements, and treat this malady which at the time is not so serious (just a nuisance) but if it gets into the vital organs it can be fatal or extremely disabling. The last things Richard and the children need is for me to be ill. In all fairness, I must say our children have been real troupers and have taken on a lot but especially now that they are becoming teenagers they need a full-time mother more than ever. We are set apart a little from the ward and this means a lot of transporting that cannot usually be shared with others.
Bishop, I don't mean to belabor the point but I do not like feeling guilty that I am not doing my job in the church. Too often the children have had to take a backseat to our church duties and put up with our fatigue and ill health and help us with both the office and church work. You do know I guess that I also have the church job of keeping up all the plates for the wards and running off all their mailings. This is a very time-consuming job in itself but it appears easier for me to do it than have someone come in. A lady was keeping up the plates at least but when we moved the office that ended that.
I sadly realize that you need more help in the ward but I feel so strongly that I cannot get myself as involved as I have been this last year--it just isn't fair to me, To Richard, or to the children. And too often we have not been able to go to the Temple or fulfill other obligations because of just not enough time or energy. Please understand that I need this year to try and get on top or at least able to cope. It was very emotionally upsetting for me to get released from Primary and if I get too involved again it will have been for no purpose. Please understand and realize that we do support you in all you do and want to always do our part but right now it has got to be on a smaller scale.
Sincerely,
P.S. I chose to write instead of coming to see you simply as a matter of saving time.
At some point in time later I ended up in the hospital and I do not remember the details. This was not the time I was in traction for my back. But I remember the Doctor coming to my bedside and telling me I definitely did not have lupus and that was good news. Why can't I remember more and why did I not write it down? Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that do not get written down and so are forgotten, maybe for the better. At least my ulcer never got full blown apparently but that is why I always peel my apples before eating them. Apple peels were one of the things that gave me nausea and sent me to the Dr. I have never tried them since.
And then I got called as Seminary teacher and then Relief Society President and Richard felt I had so much to give, why couldn't I work full time with him? which I eventually did but I was so much more fulfilled doing these Church callings than I ever was as a loan officer and owner of a mortgage business.
